New Dating Apps 2019: A Dating Adviser’s Take on Mutual Benefits
According to relationship consultant Jade Seashell, there are three pillars in a relationship: intimacy, emotional connection and mutual benefits. “If a relationship has two pillars in it, it’s a very good relationship; if a relationship has one pillar in it, it can still work,” says Jade Seashell, “I haven’t seen a relationship with three pillars in it yet.”
During an interview with Jade Seashell who also works for a variety of new dating apps 2019 as their dating adviser, we have discovered some key insights into the third pillar that she mentioned – mutual benefits.
Mutual benefits are not just about money.
When we hear words such as “benefits” and “opportunities”, we usually think about money automatically. That association isn’t wrong, but as a matter of fact, “mutual benefits” in a relationship aren’t just about money.
There are four typical mutual benefits in relationships, according to Jade Seashell, dating coach on several new dating apps 2019.
- When a man and a woman in a relationship have built a business together, it’s less likely for them to break up with each other because their business is their mutual benefit – the business is a machine which makes them money.
- When a man and a woman have at least one child together, they are less likely to break up because their child (or children) should be their mutual benefit – looking after their kids is important to both of them & because their kids are theirs forever, now they invest in their kids and in the future they will get something back. However, if they divorce each other and become someone else’s step-father or step-mother, looking after other people’s kids won’t bring them any Return on Investment (ROI).
- In some cultures, losing face is something that people can’t afford to do. Therefore, couples don’t easily get divorced. That’s why the divorce rate in China is much lower, although Chinese couples are probably the least happy couple in the world.
- Other mutual benefits can be an exchange of value, e.g. in an arrangement, the sugar daddy gives cash to the sugar baby, while the sugar baby gives companionship to the sugar daddy.
Don’t underestimate the importance of mutual benefits.
Many of us have been brainwashed to believe fairy tales that we’ve seen in Hollywood movies. Yes, I’d like to acknowledge the fact that true love does exist and it’s important to believe in true love. Yet Jade Seashell, dating coach for various new dating apps 2019, is probably the world’s biggest realist who has shown me a unique way to look at the situation.
“Many years ago, we saw many more Hollywood movies and TV shows about looking for true love, and there is nothing wrong with that,” says Jade Seashell, “But recently, more and more mainstream movies and TV series have changed the dynamics in their stories – these days many more Hollywood movies and TV shows have become very realistic when they talk about dating and relationships.”
For example, in the 90s, people were fascinated by the story of Titanic because the true love between Jack and Rose was so emotive and powerful. Yes, it is a great story. Nevertheless, have you thought about what would actually happen if Titanic didn’t hit the iceberg & Rose is really married to Jack?
Some movie fans even made several videos regarding what happens after Jack got married to Rose – and those videos are scenes from Revolutionary Road (a 2008 movie starring Kate Winslet and Leo DiCaprio).
“The story in Revolutionary Road is a very realistic version of what might actually happen if Rose is married to Jack,” says Jade Seashell, dating consultant for many new dating apps 2019, “Women are more likely to be curious about what would happen if circumstances are different.”
Even James Cameron once said, “Yes, I know that wood board could help both Rose and Jack survive, but Jack has to die for artistic reasons.”
Obviously, James Cameron knows that if Jack is actually married to Rose, the story probably won’t end so well from an artistic point of view. And Jade Seashell from new dating apps 2019 agrees with him.
In reality, many movies and TV shows in recent years focus on realism, e.g. Desperate Housewives, Mad Men, and so on. In other words, main characters in these stories aren’t perfect men and perfect women. Actually, they are realistic characters with real flaws (think Don Draper and Roger Sterling) and it’s not necessarily their own fault.
“No one is perfect in the story of Mad Men,” says Jade Seashell, dating coach on new dating apps 2019, “Don Draper was born in a tough environment which shaped his personality. I would say he is actually a very strong man, given his background and upbringing. Although Adam Whitman was treated better when they were young, Adam is certainly not as tough as Richard Whitman, i.e. Don Draper.”
Indeed, I would say Don Draper is probably a role model for many people who come from difficult family backgrounds – he is confident, charismatic, rich and successful. More importantly, he has very good game – women can’t even shut their legs in front of the handsome Don Draper. Having said that, I also acknowledge the fact that Don Draper isn’t perfect and has some serious issues, just like many people do.
“I wouldn’t say everyone is fighting a battle that you don’t know, but many people are,” says Jade Seashell, relationship advisor on new dating apps 2019, “Therefore, I would say Mad Men is a very realistic story in many ways.”
One thing that I’d like to point out is that although most elements in Mad Men are very accurate in terms of history, I doubt everyone was actually cheating on everyone in the 60s.
That being said, Jade Seashell (dating advisor on Brilic dating app) points out that in actuality, certain cultures are really characterized by everyone is cheating on everyone, but Jade didn’t specify which cultures (or sub-cultures) are like that.
Yes, everybody is looking for benefits and avoiding liabilities – that’s just human nature; therefore, people would be well-advised to build mutual benefits in their relationships so that their relationships can last longer.
When the other two pillars aren’t working, focus on mutual benefits.
Some couples stop having intimacy after being together for several years, and that’s very common. In fact, I would say that’s absolutely normal.
When this happens, couples are basically in loveless marriages soon.
No wonder the divorce rate is so high in western countries where people seek freedom and personal happiness – individuals just move on and look for love and intimacy elsewhere.
Now if you still would like to make sure your relationship works, you can focus on building mutual benefits instead. This will give you leverage to build emotional connection and reignite the passion in the bedroom as well.
Mark Manson (author of Everything Is F*cked: A Book about Hope) claims that this is his “do something” principle, i.e. just do something, anything, and then you will find inspiration and motivation as a result – action leads to inspiration and motivation (not the other way around). And Jade Seashell, relationship consultant on new dating app 2019 agrees with him 100%.
Building mutual benefits in a relationship is a skill that can be learned.