Why do men and women join married dating apps?

In this day and age, a growing number of married men and women are joining extra-marital dating apps such as Ashley Madison and Gleeden. What motivates these people to cheat on their spouses?

• The marriage institution is against human nature, while married dating apps have been created for human nature.

According to author Wednesday Martin, most married women get bored sexually within 2 years of their marriages, whereas most men get bored sexually within 4 years of being married.

People don’t talk about this because traditionally, we believe that men are more likely to get bored sexually and want to cheat on their wives, whilst women are more faithful than men. But that’s not true in reality.

Women have been conditioned socially and culturally to believe that they are more loyal than men. Yet as a matter of fact, women’s sexuality is very contextual and can get distracted very easily. By contrast, men are more biologically and psychologically faithful to their wives. It is the pop culture that made us believe that men are more likely to cheat.

Married dating apps are designed for human nature. Nobody is biologically programmed to be faithful forever. In ancient times, monogamy didn’t exist. In fact, monogamy is a relatively new concept which started not that long ago.

Take China as an example. Monogamy was introduced in 1949 – only 70 years ago. Actually, in many Middle Eastern countries and African countries, polygamy is still extremely common today.

• In western countries, monogamy means being with one person at a time nowadays.

In the past, monogamy means being with one person for the rest of your life. But these days monogamy means being with one person at a time in western countries. Are we truly monogamous? The answer is debatable.

It is said that most people on extra-marital dating apps are from western countries, e.g. the United States, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, the United Kingdom, France, Germany and Italy. I’m not surprised because human nature is the same, no matter you are in the West or in the East.

Based on a major study in Europe and North America, it is clear that people in France are the least monogamous group in western culture. Further examination reveals that French people are okay with it.

• What do our experts say in terms of married dating apps?

Before writing this article, I interviewed our website’s long-term dating expert Jade Seashell who wrote A Seductress’ Confession in 2016. In her book, she changed the plot after listening to her editor’s advice.

“My editor gave me some helpful advice, but I actually regret changing a part of the plot in the book,” says Jade Seashell, author of A Seductress’ Confession, “In the original story, Ruby was dating a married man Phil who didn’t hide his affair. He would introduce Ruby to his friends and say something like, ‘This is my girlfriend Ruby.’ Ruby didn’t want to replace his wife. It was a beautiful affair. Actually, Phil’s character is based on a French guy. However, my American editor told me that it’s very difficult for women in English-speaking countries to accept something like that. Also, women in English-speaking countries want to read a ‘they lived happily ever after’ ending.”

Jade Seashell argues that her editor’s opinion matches the mainstream culture in English-speaking countries and she appreciates the editor’s advice. Yet changing the plot is a debatable move.

“Ruby’s story happened before married dating apps were invented,” says Jade Seashell, “If something like this happens today, Phil should be on an extra-marital dating app now.”

Jade Seashell’s editor didn’t touch the alternative ending of her book because the alternative ending was written by Jade after the entire editing process was done, and that chapter turns out to be the readers’ favourite.

“In the future, I will ask my editor to think the way that I think,” says Jade Seashell.

Curt Coch is the founder of iDateAdvice.com which is the Internet’s leading dating advice platform. He says women aren’t more faithful than men.

“When a man is cheating, he is cheating with a woman,” says Curt Coch, “I don’t think women are more loyal than men. The belief that men’s libido is higher than women’s is just a myth.”

Curt Coch maintains that married dating apps will only become more and more popular in the future because cheating has become easier in this day and age due to the popularity of the Internet.

Serghei, the spokesperson of iDateAdvice.com, has added some extra comments that are very thought-provoking. “In my opinion, men and women cheat in different ways. Honestly, men probably need cheating dating apps more than women do. As I see it, when women are cheating, they don’t need to leave any digital evidence because it’s much easier for women to cheat – they can hook up with other guys without using a digital device,” says Serghei, “In contrast, most men would have some kind of digital evidence which proves their affairs in modern-day society, because it’s slightly harder for men to find affairs and most men probably have to rely on married dating apps anyway.”

I also interviewed Alex Ainsworth, CEO of Brilic dating app. Alex told me something very interesting. “It’s much easier for women to get laid, no matter they are married or not. These days almost every woman has epic sexual offers all the time,” says Alex Ainsworth, “If a woman is reasonably hot, her male co-workers are thinking about her; her neighbour is looking at her; her best friend’s dad is checking her out. Does she still need a married dating app?”

We all know that Ashley Madison, the world’s best extra-marital dating app, was created by a man. By contrast, Gleeden, a new married dating app, was created by women. Obviously, some women still want to use cheating dating apps, even though they are already surrounded by many options outside their marriages.

• The real reasons why married women join extra-marital dating apps may surprise you.

Initially, I thought maybe married women who don’t have options in real life would use married dating apps to cheat on their husbands, but very quickly, I realised that I was wrong.

There are various reasons why married women join cheating dating apps:

• Some married women join extra-marital dating apps to see if their husbands are on these apps. The mainstream culture has made women believe that their husbands are less faithful than themselves, so lack of trust leads to this phenomenon – married women are checking on their husbands by seeing if their husbands are on cheating dating apps. I remember last year when I was working for an extra-marital dating site, that website has an “emergency” button which works like this: When a married man is on the site and his wife is entering the room, he can click on the “emergency” button which will immediately take the webpage to something innocent like YouTube or Google. Since this kind of measures has been invented already, of course many married women want to do further investigation.
• Some married ladies join married dating apps because their husbands can’t satisfy them sexually. Due to the environmental pollution, men’s libido has decreased a lot gradually. Consequently, a lot of men can’t satisfy their wives in the bedroom anymore.
• Some married women join cheating dating apps because their husbands can’t satisfy them emotionally. This is actually very common because when a woman’s emotional needs can’t be met in her marriage, she will look elsewhere! Women are more emotional than men. Period.

Having said that, men are also quite emotional. Men just want to hide their emotions because they associate emotions with weakness. But that’s not a healthy way to deal with it. Nevertheless, women are willing to show their emotions, so women are generally healthier mentally. It is obvious that the suicide rate amongst men is much higher than the suicide rate amongst women.

It is becoming less necessary to get married in contemporary society because all your needs can be met without being married. If you are married, you may want to forgive your spouse’s affairs/cheating behaviour. If people don’t forgive their spouses, very few couples would stay married forever.