Free Dating App Advice: a European lady looking for love
Last month, a mature lady from Europe has reached out, asking for dating advice. She is a member of a free dating app and has generously given us written permission to share our response in this article today. (Context: She is an older lady in her early 50s withambitions and hobbies.)
Our dating advisor’s response:
Hi Romantic Rhonda,
Thanks for sending me the query.
I will share my honest thoughts with you. Some of my female clients don’t like what I’ve said in terms of women’s age (honestly, I don’t like that part either, but I have to be honest with my clients because I know what most men are really thinking about & if I only tell my female clients what they want to hear, they won’t get the results in reality.)
In terms of why it’s so hard to find someone on a free dating app, the raw truth is direct dating platforms like dating websites and marriage agencies are all about straightforward analytics that every candidate has, i.e. height, age, looks, income, etc. I’m not saying you won’t stand out from the crowd on such platforms; I mean this kind of dating agencies can’t show your strengths unless it’s a senior dating app. Most people can only remember the first impression of a candidate because there is a limited period of time for everyone to browse a profile. For example, when a man is looking at your dating profile on the mainstream dating app, he will probably look at your age first and then he will begin to wonder if there are any women in their 20s and 30s on the free dating app (frankly, many women in their 20s and 30s are also on free dating apps). Therefore, before a man even pays any real attention to your dating profile, he already looked at hundreds of other women’s dating profiles which distracted him from you. That means joining a mainstream dating app isn’t the ideal option for you.
I think you are looking for a man in his late 40s or maybe in his early 50s. In this case, you should join a senior dating app and also look for someone offline because in real life, you have more opportunities to display your strengths, e.g. you look much younger than your chronological age. In this way, a man will notice your good looks and pleasant personality before knowing your other situations and that will help you attract him in the first place. Also, you will need to figure out exactly what you want – Are you looking for a man in his 40s who doesn’t have children? Or are you looking for someone who already has children? Please note that younger men generally want children, so basically, they will choose women under 35 (or under 40). In contrast, many older men already have children, so they don’t care anymore and are happy to date women above 40 or 50 years old. When you meet a new man, you will need to find out his blueprint quickly so that you know how/whether you can enter his life. Ideally, your partner should be a man between 45 and 55 who already has children so that you don’t need to worry about having kids with him. Also, if a man around 50 years old already has children, chances are his kids are adult children in their 20s, so you won’t need to look after his children and can enjoy life.
Since you are already on a free dating app, I’d like to talk about how to meet more men so that you’ll have options (in order to find quality, quantity absolutely matters!) According to your description, you have several places to meet men: 1) your workplace; 2) a campus where you study; 3) hiking groups. These are very limited because it’s not common to date co-workers, you only have so many classmates on campus & hiking groups are usually joined by older men as younger men aren’t really that interested in hiking. Now if you’ve already figured out what type of men you are interested in, then the next question is: Where are these men? Find out where they are and you should be there, too! Now here is a list of ideas apart from joining free dating apps:
- As you are working to start a project of your own, you can join a professional club that focuses on professional/career networking in the industry you are in. In a club like this, men are usually under 60 years old. Do some research online and you’ll see which professional clubs are relevant. Join at least one of these professional clubs and meet men there. Then if you like a guy, you can ask for his help, “Could you please help me to set up my email list?” (Men love helping women because they want to feel needed and masculine.) Or if you are bold, you can even ask him to fix your computer at home – do this when you are sure this man is a good man. Then you can cook dinner for him in order to thank him (and don’t forget to prepare some good wine so as to make the ambience more romantic; alternatively, you can ask him to bring a bottle of wine). If he is interested in you, he will figure out something to continue seeing you.
- Go to a salsa dance school and learn salsa if you are interested in dancing. This is a good way to improve your health and happiness while looking for an active man. After dancing with a guy in class, you can ask him, “There is a salsa party on Saturday night. I think you should come.” (Of course, you need to do some research online beforehand & use this statement to invite him – don’t use a question to ask him whether he wants to come or not because he is more likely to say “no” to a question.)
Join a speed dating event in your local area. Some free dating apps organize these offline events.
- Say yes whenever you are invited to any social event. Always make sure you make eye contact with people, smile and move slowly. This will give men some confidence to approach you. Also, you have to make sure you look very beautiful when you are at social events because you are actually competing with many other women as well. The majority of men secretly respond to two elements in women: 1) long hair; 2) slim figure. By the way, never wear a ring on your left hand when you go out and don’t talk about your ex-husband. And try your best to wear colors such as hot pink and red so that you become more noticeable because of your clothes.
- Another way to encourage a man to ask you out is to ask him personal questions apart from what he does for a living. Talk about his personal interests (his weekend, his hobbies, etc.) and then at the end of the conversation, you say, “I enjoyed this conversation with you.” Moreover, when you ask him “How was your weekend?” or “Do you have any plans for the weekend?”, you will quickly figure out whether this guy is single or not, because if he isn’t single, he probably has plans with his wife.
Hopefully this helps.
Dating Advisor at DatingAppsAdvice.com
Free dating apps VS senior dating apps – which option is better for mature women in their 50s?